


Bullet

by nirvanacal



Series: Bullet [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Razors, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-06
Updated: 2014-12-06
Packaged: 2018-02-28 06:17:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2721812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nirvanacal/pseuds/nirvanacal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calum cradled Luke in his arms as tears streamed down his face.</p><p>"LIZ CALL THE AMBULANCE!"</p><p>in which luke is depressed and has needed Calum, but Calum was too oblivious in the situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bullet

**Author's Note:**

> I do not wish that luke has these kinds of thoughts or have done these kinds of things to hurt himself, nor will I. this is a fanFICTION and do pray to god luke has never EVER felt this way before.
> 
> *TRIGGER WARNING*

**Bullet**

* * *

**_If_** you asked Luke, he never thought he’d feel this way towards himself when he was in primary school – actually, everything seemed to go downhill for Luke in primary school. However, it was only around the end of year six, that he felt the need to experiment with knifes dragged across his wrists.

It wasn’t the first time he had tried this. He has tried slitting his wrist earlier in the year, but was too afraid to deepen the cut, so he put it away and continued with his life.

But, it was only until he heard about the “stories” self-harmers liked to tell. “When I slide the blade across my wrist, it releases any pain kept inside that was bursting to come out.”, “It’s a way for an escape.”, “Personally, I can’t handle emotional pain, and so it gives me that one advantage to take out my misery in physical pain.”

Luke likes to hear this now. He’s gone from sharp knives, to pins, then sharpener blades, right to the razor blades which seem to work better for him.

When Luke started High School, he didn’t expect to be bullied. He originally thought he had friends, but unfortunately, they had dumped him for others that seemed much more interesting than Luke will ever be.

What Luke didn’t understand, is that the school has a bullying policy. They also have a sign with “no bullying” in big, bold letters.

**NO BULLYING TOLERATED**

_you will be punished for any imperious behaviour no matter the consequence._

Yet, they still have those rebellious people who think they’re too swagger to follow any stupid school rules. What annoys Luke the most is that the bystanders do nothing about it, either. They don’t even report it to the teachers. All they do is laugh – unless it’s them being teased, or their friends.

Sadly, Luke has no friends. He started losing friends in year seven, when they all thought he wasn’t good enough to be his friend – they basically turned on him.

Now that he is in year twelve, he is more mature – but wistfully, he still has no friends, nor has he gotten better over the years.

+

 ** _Luke_** sighed sorrowfully, hating the way these people treated him. They picked on him until he was mentally weak and would beat him until he was unable to stand. Luke didn’t know why they’d treat him so poorly, but the voices in his head spoke otherwise.

_You’re trash, go to hell!_

_No one will miss you if you died, so go do it!_

_No one will even notice you’re gone until the bullies try to find you, only to beat you to a pulp again!_

_Go slit your wrists like a weak boy you are!_

He hated how the comments they make are annoyingly true, but he listens to them anyway, and spends most of his nights in the bathroom, either in the bathtub, or on the cool tiles, cleaning up his mess, or sliding the blade across his wrist and watching as the crimson red blood come curling out of the newly fresh cuts he’d just made.

No one was ever there for him. No one at all, and he knows no one ever will, so why bother trying, when nobody’s going to help him?

Luke slowly got himself out of bed, dreading the next hour to come when he’s meant to go to school. Anyone who gets bullied dreads that place.

As he was walking to school, the schools bullies came running after him. Luke didn’t realise until he tripped over and fell to the ground that he was running.

“Get back here, you little shitbag!” one of the boys from the gang yelled to fragile Luke who was lying helplessly on the ground.

They spent the rest of the minutes they had before school beating Luke to the point where he had to go home. Who cares if he misses school today? It’s not like someone will magically appear and save him from the demons living inside him.

When Luke reached his home, he opened the door to his mother watching television. When she noticed Luke, and his bruises, she came rushing over to him, smothering him in kisses, asking if he was okay,

Which he was not.

“What did they do, my baby?” she whispered, as tears came spilling out of her eyes. Luke’s mother wasn’t used to this – only because Luke snuck into his room before his other could notice any of the bruises scattered along his body.

She only recently found out about the beatings at school, and she was yet to find out about the self-torture Luke does to himself.

However, the one thing she does not tolerate is _homosexuality_. She thinks it’s wrong to be gay, and like men (that’s if you’re a guy yourself, of course.)

What saddens Luke, is that he truly _is_ gay himself, and there is nothing anyone could do about it. This is why the bullies have such a good target. They call him _faggotboy_ most of the time, which makes Luke cringe.

Luke knows if he ever tries to come out to his mother, that she will abandon him. His mother seems like the caring sweetheart the way she’s acting now, but when she sees two boys or two girls holding hands, she scowls at them, and talks to Luke about how they are such a disgrace to the world.

Luke can’t bear to hear his mother talk like this, especially when she’s basically talking about him, too, _blindingly_.

“I was running to school and they chased after me,” Luke explained, “I ended up tripping over and falling to the ground, making them catch up to me and beat me until I could hardly stand.”

There was no point to lie to his mother, when he knows he’ll be coming home from school every day with bruises everywhere.

“How long has this been going on for, darling?” she questions, leaving the room to grab some painkillers, since Luke was flinching every time his mother touched him.

“It only really just started.” Luke lies. This has been going on since the first day of High School.

“Oh, okay. At least the bruises aren’t _that_ severe. However, if they continue to do this, the bruises will increase and make it more likely to end up in hospital. If this continues, you _need_ to tell the teachers. Doesn’t that school have a ‘no bullying’ policy, or something? Because I’m certain it does.”

“Yes, mum. They do, but they people hurting me say that if I told a teacher, they would personally, one by one, come to my house and break every bone in my body.” Luke continues. He really would rather them killing him instead of breaking the bones in his body.

“Oh, dear. You need to speak to the councillor then – oh, wait! I’ve got the most unsurpassed idea! You shall attend _therapy_.”

“But, dear mother, there is no urgency nor is there desideratum for me to go to that horrid place!” Luke argues. His mother has no right to force him into attending therapy, since she knows nothing about him – all she knows is that he’s being beaten by the school bullies. It’s not like she knows he’s sad, and hurting himself because of that, and other reasons.

“No acceptable son would disagree with me. Go to your room right now, young boy!” she seethes. Liz (Luke’s one and only, mother,) hates it when her young boy fights back.

Luke stomps up the stairs into his room, and slamming the door. There was absolutely no reason why she should get angry at him. _And_ there was completely and utterly no reason to why she should send him to therapy.

“Young fuckface, what’s wrong?” Luke oldest brother comes unnoticeably in his room.

“Go away, Ben. Did I say you could come in? No, I didn’t, so leave.”

“Gee, what’s up your ass?” Ben murmurs, leaving the room he was just in.

Luke opens up his laptop and decides to check Facebook.

_Hah! You’re just going to make yourself cry over the hardly harsh comments left on your pictures and statuses._

Luke closes his eyes, trying to focus on something else to get the voice in his head to go away, but it somehow makes Luke turn his wrist around so that he could see all of the old and new scars on his wrist, and upper arm. No one knows about this, and he was determined to keep it that way.

+

The only good day he has ever had at school was today.

He met someone.

And that someone put their number in his phone.

But still, that didn’t stop the bullying.

His phone buzzed a few times, indicating he received a text. He was crossing his fingers that it was the new boy he met, Calum.

Sadly, it was not Calum, it was the bullies.

**[unknown number]**

_We have your number now! we’re going to make your life a living hell!_

**[unknown number]**

_Fuck you! go die you fucked up faggot! No one likes you, and no one ever will! Do us all a favour and just kill yourself_

Luke’s eyes widened as he started to tear up. No one will miss him...so why should he stay?

‘ _Thanks for the idea!_ ’ thought Luke, as he headed towards the bathroom. He kept his hidden stash of blades in a box he knew his mum, nor brothers would look.

When he pulled out his favourite razor blade, he removed his bracelets and started sliding the sharp metallic object across his delicate skin.

He felt like the pain suddenly left, and he felt free.

+

“Hey, Luke.” a voice suddenly brought Luke back into reality. He was daydreaming about something that had happened yesterday after he made the new cuts on his wrist.

“Oh, um...hi.” Luke weakly smiles at Calum who seemed to sneak up on him.

“You’re very quiet. What’s wrong?” Calum asked, moving himself closer to the sad boy that Calum was yet to know.

“Nothing,” Luke answers simply, “I was just daydreaming.”

“About girls, aye?” Calum winked, only making Luke feel worse than he did.

“No, actually.” Luke said. He wanted to be open to Calum about how he felt towards boys, but he just didn’t know him. For all Luke knew, he could be a part of the bully gang.

“Do you want to come over to my house later?” Calum suddenly asks, changing the subject which Luke was grateful of.

“Uh, sure, I guess.”

“Awesome!” Calum cheers “See you later.”

+

“Mum, can I go to Calum’s house?”

“ _No. Who’s Calum?_ ”

“Don’t worry, mother. Calum is just a nice person I meet yesterday.”

“ _Fine. But be back at ten, okay?_ ”

“Course.”

Luke started walking with Calum to his house. The walk was completely silent, but Luke was relieved by that. He did not want to let Calum in on his life. He didn’t want another person leaving him, already.

Calum, on the other hand, wanted to know every single detail about Luke. He seemed so beautiful, and so mysterious. Calum could tell something is wrong with Luke. He can see by how his eyes never smile, and always look so sad, and that he never really puts much effort into smiling with his actual mouth. Then, he could see how Luke always liked to wear black, and wear long sleeved sweaters, or long sleeved shirts. He noticed the small things, like how Luke’s hair always seemed messy, or that he had a small purple bruise on his neck, or cheek, but he couldn’t comment on it, since it probably was a personal thing for Luke, and he wanted this acquaintanceship grow.

“So, um...what do you like doing on your spare time?” Calum asked, hoping to start a good, healthy conversation, and to forget about the stupid little things he noticed on the strange boy.

“Nothing.” Luke shortened his answer. He was no surprisingly good at that.

“I like to sleep, eat, read, and repeat,” Calum chuckles on his laziness, “Nah, but I also play soccer, so there’s a healthy thing.”

“What do you read?” Luke asks, suspiciously. Luke never really liked to read. He’d much prefer to write his own stories.

When Calum didn’t answer, Luke looked over at him. Calum seemed to blush, but shook it away when he answered with, “stuff”

“Like?”

Calum didn’t answer again, causing Luke to gain more interest in this topic.

“It’s embarrassing to say!” Calum finally answers with a small laugh.

“You can tell me,” Luke said, “I won’t judge.”

“Fine,” Calum sighed, closing his eyes only for mere seconds, until he opened them and replied, “Fanfiction.”

“W-what!” Luke struggles to keep the laughter at bay. This boy really could make Luke happy.

“See! You laughed,” Calum pouts, “meanie.”

“Shut up,” Luke shakes his head, “I just can’t imagine _you_ reading fanfiction. What kind do you even read?”

“Jalex.” Calum answers, hoping that Luke would know what ship that was.

“That’s Jack Barakat and Alex Gaskarth’s ship! They’re my OTP!” Luke smiles widely. But when he realises he did, he quickly half smiled.

“I like your smile.” Calum says, complimenting Luke’s rare use of smiles.

Luke just looks over at the boy and nods, continuing to walk to Calum’s house.

+

The whole day, they sat around listening to All Time Low and watching movies.

When Luke left, Calum was already missing Luke. But he could still smell the scent of Luke’s cologne, causing Calum to smile.

Luke was also smiling. This time, it was a real smile. Calum really knew how to cheer Luke up, and this made Luke extremely happy, yet confused. No one has ever cheered him up like that. No one had ever made him smile or laugh.

When Luke got home, he immediately ran into his room and sent Calum a text.

**Lukey :-)**

_Hey_

He really wanted Calum to reply quickly, and which Calum did.

**Calyum :3**

_hiiii <3 _

Luke smiled, biting his lip, then sending a message back.

**Lukey :-)**

_What are you doing??_

Calum hadn’t replied to that text, so Luke waited a little longer.

**Calyum :3**

_nm just watching twd_

Luke gasped, trying his hardest to type quickly. He loved that show too.

**Lukey :-)**

_That’s like, my FAVE show EVER!!!!!! What season are you on? Or are you up to date???_

Now that Luke knows Calum likes the same bands he listens to, the same movies, and now the same T.V show, Luke was hooked to this guy! He wanted to know much more about him.

**Calyum :3**

_i’m up to date, but i’m actually re watching the whole first season again :D_

Luke loved this boy already – not like that, but as a friend. He can’t wait until they meet up again.

**Lukey :-)**

_The part where rick wakes up from the hospital?? Orrrr_

As he waited patiently, his mother came into his room. Luke instantly rolled his eyes, not wanting to hear any nonsense from his mum tonight. He was already having a good time, and he didn’t want his mum to ruin it.

“You seem awfully happy, tonight. What did you do with that Calum kid? I do hope he didn’t try to touch you or anything.”

“Mum, Calum wouldn’t do such a thing. Please stop worrying about me. I’m eighteen for god’s sake.”

“Don’t use any religious comments in this vital conversation with your mother. How rude!”

“Stop, just STOP!” Luke raises his voice. He hates yelling, but his mother leaves him no choice.

“Do not dare to yell at me, Lucas! Or I shall prevent you from using your phone and laptop. You will get no birthday, nor will you be hanging out with that abominable boy!” she screeches.

Suddenly, one of Luke’s brothers joined Liz in his room also, then along with Ben.

“Hah! You’re getting grounded!” Jack laughed high fiving Ben.

“You’re going to cry over it too, aye?” Ben teased, “And no one will cheer you up because you’re a lonely bastard!”

“BEN!” Liz shouts, “Did I give you permission to swear in this house? _No_ , I did not. Both of you leave.”

The two of them left, leaving Liz and Luke in his room once again.

“You’re sad, aren’t you?” Liz suddenly asks, startling Luke.

“What-”

“Don’t play dumb, Luke. I’ve taken notice on how many bracelets you wear, and I’ve seen the scars.”

Luke was quiet. He hated this. He looked down at his lap, and played with his fingers.

“You leave me no choice but to contact the school, and to send you to therapy.” She said soothing, her voice softened.

“No, mum! Please-”

“Sorry.”

And then she left.

+

The rest of the week was a living hell for Luke. He cried mainly every night and took out the blades every hour.

His and Calum’s friendship has grown so much, that they can joke around and have so much fun. They were now basically best friends; yet, Calum still knew a small amount about Luke.

“Hi, Luke. How are you today?”

“Usual.”

“Be more specific.”

“Sad.”

“Why?”

“Life.”

“Why does life make you sad?” “Because it sucks.”

“No it doesn’t. It only sucks when you push away the people that are willing to help you, which is what you’re doing with this Calum kid, right? He’s trying to get to know you, but you’re not telling him anything about you at all?”

“Stop-”

“You didn’t deny it.’

“FUCK OFF!”

“You may swear in here; it is fine.”

“I hate this place so much, I’m leaving, bye.”

And then he left.

+

“Fagboy!”

“Idiot!”

“Fuckface!”

“Shitbag!”

“Worthless!”

“Useless!”

“Ugly!”

“Lonely!”

“Outcast!”

“Emo!”

“Disgusting!”

“Disgrace!”

And then, he cried.

+

_Listen to the voices in your head Luke, and kill yourself already!_

_You’re a disgrace to the word._

_Calum hates you._

_Your mum hates you._

_Your brothers hate you._

_Life hates you._

_You hate you!_

_WE HATE YOU!_

And then, he cut.

+

The days pasted as Luke got worse and worse. Calum still didn’t know anything about him, but he ended up convincing he was fine.

That was how oblivious Calum was. Luke needed him, but he shook it off.

Luke was ready. He was going to commit today. There was nothing to live for.

He grabbed his blade, and took it to his wrist.

_Just press down as hard as you can!_

_Go the easy way and cut your veins!_

+

Calum was on his way to Luke’s house. During the week, Calum ended up developing feelings for his best friend. he was certain Luke felt the same way, and so he wanted to confess to Luke today.

As he walked to the Hemmings’ household, there was an unwanted feeling in the pit of his stomach – like something was off.

Again, like he always does, he shook it off and continued to walk to his destination.

When he got there, he banged on the door, awaiting the response.

Liz opened the door, and smiled weakly at Calum. She didn’t like him one bit, but acted as if she loved him.

“Come on in, Calum!” she lead him inside her house, “Luke’s room is right up those stairs.”

“Thank you Mrs Hemmings.”

Calum walked up the stairs to Luke’s room, only to be greeted by nothingness – well, Luke’s room, but however, Luke was not present.

He heard a tap dripping in the bathroom connected to Luke’s room, so he assumed Luke had a shower.

He knocked on that door, but no answer.

Perhaps he was asleep?

But that that seemed more like a question to Calum. So with that, he opened the door to a horrible sight.

Luke was lying in the bathtub with blood dripping from his wrists, and blood all over the bathroom floor. The crimson red colour stained the water, while Luke was unconscious, half naked floating in the coloured water.

“Luke!” he screamed, grabbing him from the bathtub and pulling him out. Luke’s eyes fluttered open, but only for a minute, before he murmured “Calum” and closing his eyes again.

Calum cradled Luke in his arms, tears streaming down his face.

“LIZ CALL THE AMBULANCE!”

**Author's Note:**

> I do believe in gay rights, and support homosexual people. And there will be another story for the series coming soon, but I didn't want to make them chapters soo yeah... im awkward
> 
> oh and sorry for not making it that cakey:-/ 
> 
> the second part to this will be called You Found Me so that'll be posted soon and it will def have wayyyyy more cake stuff in it. I wanted this to be more about how oblivious calum is then to put the romance in it if that makes sense.
> 
> the title is called Bullet because of the song, not because of the way Luke tried to commit suicide.


End file.
